“My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talkin’ ‘fore I knew it, and as he grew
He’d say “I’m gonna be like you, Dad
You know I’m gonna be like you”
And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin’ home, Dad
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then
You know we’ll have a good time then”
– Harry Chapin, from his song Cat’s in the Cradle
“But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
1 Timothy 5:8
“And he will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers, lest I come and strike the land with a decree of utter destruction.”
Malachi 4:6
Once a year, my 3 daughters and I suit up (or dress up, in their case) for a special father-daughter night. We stay at a hotel or Airbnb, then head out to an upscale restaurant. Before that night I will have prayed and asked God for a message or passage of Scripture to give them, which I then read while we’re having dinner. It’s a time for me to share my love for them and offer a blessing from the Lord. The picture above is from this year’s dinner, two months ago. These dinners have become a tradition we look forward to.
They are also my shot at setting the bar high for the man they might marry; that he would be a believer and a leader who treats them with respect and care and is able to provide for them.
If I save the world (and that’s not happening) but lose my family I’ve failed big time. What matters to me is that I’m with my wife and kids for all eternity and that they know I believe in them and love them. I aim to make pursuing a relationship with my wife and kids a lifelong habit. When I take my last breath I want them to know that they mattered greatly to me. This doesn’t happen from mere talk, and surely not by preaching at them, but being intentional about spending time with them and enjoying their company. Life is short; it’s easy to allow the crazy of this world to mess up our priorities. It’s our actions and how we treat our kids that preach the loudest. A temper that blows like a Volcano or spews hot words that cut can do a lot of damage, just as a passive father who’s often checked out can.
I’m a big believer that “I’m sorry” conveys love as much if not more than “I love you.” Every parent will hurt their child, the question is whether they will own up to it, apologize, and change the way they treat them, or if the parent will default to pride mode and blow it off – which communicates a message of low value to their offspring. Do this for long and they won’t want to be around you much. Hope you like that Christmas card because you may not see them for the holidays.
During this year’s dinner my daughters messed my head up. Prior to the dinner, they had taken the time to pray and ask God for His verses and messages for me. I nearly lost it and started bawling. Giving love can be easier than receiving it.
Last week, in the Good Christian and Porn, I wrote about how self-centered I was and how corrupted my character had become during the years I was in bondage to sexual sin and lust. Porn turns a man outside-in and blinds him to the needs, cares, and treasure-trove of blessings of his loved ones God has blessed him with. Sexual sin always causes widespread collateral damage to those nearest to us.
But this isn’t just a lust problem. The worship of ministry, work, entertainment and smartphone addiction can choke our relationships with our family – and God.
“But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
1 Timothy 5:8
Paul speaks some tough, cutting words here. Being the greater preacher in the world while ignoring, neglecting, or checking out on our family puts us on dangerous ground.
Maybe there’s a rift between you and one of your kids. Maybe your tongue has caused more damage than good, you’ve been checked out, or even abusive. Today’s a good day to begin the healing process and make pursuing your kids a lifelong habit. “I’m sorry I hurt you” is a good start. (Note – if you apologize don’t go off on a long-winded tangent about your past or make excuses. Listen.)
There are many who grew with parents who did significant damage and now, as a parent, they have no idea how to connect with their kids because all they experienced growing up is abuse. That’s okay. Ask God for the next step, take it, and keep going. Ask your tribe for prayer and support. You ARE meeting with at least one believer every week for the purpose of support, prayer, and encouragement, right?
The way we treat our kids as they’re growing up will have a profound impact on how they treat us in later years.
“I’ve long since retired, my son’s moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, “I’d like to see you if you don’t mind”
He said, “I’d love to, Dad, if I can find the time
You see my new job’s a hassle and the kid’s got the flu
But it’s sure nice talking to you, Dad
It’s been sure nice talking to you”
And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He’d grown up just like me
My boy was just like me
And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin’ home son
I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then, Dad
We’re gonna have a good time then.”
– Harry Chapin
Signs of War
We get quite a bit of positive feedback on the Blazing Grace Facebook page. We also receive comments like this –
“Feel free to F… off”
“The nonsense just keeps on coming.”
“A man wants porn more than sex with his wife YOU’RE A MORON.”
“Whacko alert.”
“You’re brainwashed cultists. Clergy should not EVER try to act as a therapist. You live on ancient fairytales.”
“Get f…ed.”
I share this to give you a picture that spiritual warfare is real. Many have a one-sided view of the Christian life that doesn’t include warfare, to their peril. Sure, the people who post such things are lost and have their own issues, but the enemy knows how to use those who have been blinded for his purposes… just as he can professing Christians.
We are a church at war.
Does your church acknowledge that warfare is real, and are they equipping you in this area?
When you get attacked, do you know how to respond and shut it down?
How’s your prayer life?
Been to a prayer meeting lately?
I hope you’re connected with a tribe and aren’t isolated like the average modern Christian.
This article is a good place to start if you want to know more:
https://theroguechristian.com/spiritual-warfare/
And as for the insults:
“Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.”
Matthew 5:11-12
